Perception of a Single Father

We have all seen movies and stories about single mothers and how the struggle can be very challenging, the agony and joy of having her child being raised all by herself. However since we are mostly talking about guy stuff here and the truth is…there are also lots of guys out there who actually fathered kids out of wedlock or being left alone too by their girlfriends or wives to take care of their kids. Face it!  There are few women who are not yet ready for motherly responsibilities, and you are just one of the “lucky” guys who have met them.

So how does A guy become a father to a child?

Not just being the daddy to that kid, but doing everything for his child… All by himself as the father.  As a man who takes and faces his responsibility and obligations.  Becoming a father is not measured by the ability to make babies, it is the ability to take the full responsibility of raising a good responsible citizen who will be beneficial to the society.

Let us start from how to take care a baby, of course it is not our duty to give birth to the kids, but that kid will not be born with just one’s effort.  It does not appear when a woman sneezes you too have your own part in making this baby.

Fatherhood reality starts when the baby starts to cry in his arms, that very moment when the baby starts to need something, there starts the obligation, the responsibility.

What shall we do now that the baby is crying? What is going on? Is the baby hurting? Is the baby hungry? Is he soaked in his diaper? What will I do now?

It is not very common for guys to nourish a child, that motherly instinct is what makes raising a child easy only for the women. Men are known to be the provider, what will happen if he becomes the “nourisher” and the provider?

People always salute mothers for the 24 hour job as a wife and a mother, specially when she is so focused on her family and all she can do is to take care of her household. This makes them noble in deed, thus being a single mother can be very hard to fathom, but nothing insurmountable because women are known for the their ability to sacrifice everything for their offspring.

Men are known for being irresponsible to their children, making them being tagged as one of the kids, this sometimes is true because guys need attention from their wives too. That is one of the main reason why they look for a wife material when they are on the hunt for a life time partner.

Going back to the topic, what will happen when the kid starts to go to school ? What should us guys do to send them to school? Do we have to prepare their school bag? Uniform or school dress? Shoes? Their food? How about the hair? Homework? What if the child does not want to be left in the school and starts the crying marathon?

When out buying stuff like shopping or groceries? Do I have to bring my child with me? What are the things that my child need? Why do I have to think of this baby’s needs first and not mine?  Most guys are not use to buying things other than what he needs, except of course when we are trying to please our girlfriends, wife or partner.  Now this what they call “pleasing” thing is not to impress someone anymore, it is simply an obligation now to fulfill! But hey! how come it feels so good?

Whew!  This is now all about the child right?  Yes it is the reality, it is the truth, it is what it is, you can not undo things and start all over again.  It is not like getting a girlfriend, a wife or a partner, you can divorce or get rid of them but not your own flesh and blood.  This child’s life depends on you, he or she is the extension of your life, if he fails it means you are a failure…a loser!  If he succeeds then you are the best single father in the world.

My Own experience

I remember when I was raising my own son, before he came into my life I was all me, myself and I. All I think is how am I going to spend money to make myself look more fashionable and in style.  What things to buy, where to go, and how to spend the remaining money I have in the bank.  When he came into my life, one thing that really helped to change my perspective in life was when I realized that I want my son to have and experience all the things that I have not experienced as a kid.  I want him to have those latest pair of shoes, gadgets, cell phones, credit card extension so he wont be left behind just staring at other kids buying something and he can not because he can not afford it, fancy clothes etc. etc.

Sending him to school is another thing, I want him to go to a good school and get the best education I can give him, in order to prepare him for his brighter future.  I remember telling the reason why I want him to be in an exclusive school, I also told him the reason why some people think I am over indulging him, and also told him why I am over protective of him, which led to why sometimes he thinks I am “the resurrection of Hitler”.   I know he can not take a grip of all my reasons and explanations yet, but there is one thing I that makes my heart filled with joy, that is when he understand the only reason he knows at a very young age…that I love him so much and that is the reason why those actions of mine occurs.

Over indulging father?

Yes I can say I do over indulge him, not just because I want him to experience extravagance without any reason at all, it is just that I want him to experience all these things while he is still young so when he grows older and start to be on his own, he will realize that the life he is in right now is the life he still wants to be.  He knows that he must do well in whatever he chooses to do to continue and sustain the life is use to.

I can not say that I did not give him the family he deserves, but I might not have given him the conventional family like his peers have, but the love, caring and support are all there and I can tell that we are raising a good person, a person who is loving, understanding, generous and smart.

I really want to be a good father and not just a provider… a good father and not just supporter… a good father and not just a teacher…a good father because I have to be the mother too.

Lastly, no matter what happens just enjoy every moment with your kid, specially those years where he is very dependent on you, those time will never be there again.  They grow so fast that every minute of their lives are so precious because when they start to be independent, you will just be there as a dad and a figure head.  You can not cuddle them anymore, you can carry them any more, play games with them, buy them stuff you want them to use, teach them things they do not know.  Time flies so fast, eventually your role as a father will change, from a Hero to Hitler to Moron but eventually become a Mentor.  Each phase must be enjoyed by you as a single father and just you indulging and gratifying  each wonderful moment of you child’s journey.


MisterCMT is a California Certified Massage and Holistic Therapist, Social Service Designee, A Political Scientist, and a Consultant who loves to travel and check things and places out. An artist by heart who loves to be in commune with any forms or medium of modern and contemporary work of arts.

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